Saying No to Family

Saying No to Family

Several years ago, I practiced a religion that does not celebrate Christmas. Although I am no longer religious, those few years gave me taste of the beauty and tranquility that comes from opting out of stress-filled, obligation-driven traditions. Traditions can be beautiful, and I very much enjoy the sparkling of holiday lights and the festive decorations adorning my neighbors’ homes during this time of year. I am also intrigued by the multitude of ways that people of all religions and beliefs celebrate their holidays. For me, I choose to not celebrate the holidays.

The single most difficult part of this decision is trying to explain to family (year after year) that I do not wish to participate. I have been opting out for over ten years, but lovingly declining family requests and parental pressure continues to be a challenge. The hardest part is trying to communicate that my desire to do my own thing on those days is in no way a reflection of my love for my family. I am not rejecting their traditions or turning my back on my childhood. It is not a statement about them, and not a judgement about their beliefs or traditions. It has nothing to do with anyone else. 

Saying no to family is not easy. It helps to spend time with them throughout the year and I try make it a point to spend time with them before the holiday or shortly after so that they do not take my absence on specific dates personally. For me, it’s about maintaining peace, following my own beliefs, preserving financial goals and often, using rare days off for adventures, exploration or simply watching movies all day. In the end, I believe that when we are adults, we should be able to do what we want to do and opt out of activities of our choosing. I hope that one day, reminding my family that I love them and making an effort to spend time with them throughout the year will remove the final lingering stress of the holiday season: saying no to family.