40 Years of Awakening

On this final day of 2015, I'm sharing some realizations that I've had during my 40 years circling the sun. I wish you peace, joy and love and may you run naked through the forest, if that's your thing. :)

It’s never a mistake to jump with both feet into love and to give all the relationships of your life everything you have. Not your soul, but your effort, heart, and hope.

Changing relationships does not mean you are a failure. If you learn and grow, then there are always great things to remember, life lessons to learn and experiences that have shaped who you’ve become.

Daily wine is a good thing.

There are no such things as obligations; there are things you choose to do and things you choose not to do.

Stop “should-ing” on yourself.

Life is hard – friendships should be easy.

Alone time is required. Take it, even when you think you don’t need it.

The forest solves all problems.

Do not give up your dreams – not for anyone or anything. Modify, if you must, but do not abandon.

You are never too old to start a new career, learn a new skill, or take on a new challenge.

Tell everyone important to you how you feel. Tell your partner how you feel every day. Don’t let fear, embarrassment or pride hold you back. Take James Taylor’s advice, “shower the people you love with love.”

Laugh at everything funny, including yourself. Also, the majority of life is funny.

Compliment strangers and smile at people you meet while taking a walk. Joy is a stone in a pond and you can start a ripple effect that reaches further than you can imagine.

Eat food that is healthy and nourishing, but have a treat now and again.

Discover physical activity that makes you happy and do it often.

Love your body. It carries you through life.

Be curious about everything and don’t ever, ever be afraid to ask questions or to change your mind. Don’t be married to your opinions and be open to changing them. This is a great mark of maturity.

Read uplifting things. 

Skip the violent movies.

Sing out loud and without apology. Even if you are at a red light with the windows down and it’s a BeeGees song. Yep, that loon is probably me.

Speaking of loons - spend time in nature. A lot of time. When you have moments that bring you joy and you find something in nature that calls to you, relish it. 

Be honest with your kids. About life, parenthood and living. 

If you want to do something, do it. Don't let what anyone else thinks of you stop you. Skip down the street, run naked through the forest, record a song for YouTube, create your art, express your love. All of it. Don't wait until tomorrow. All we have is today.

Share your own nugget of wisdom below.

Friends

I have some really great friends, both near and far. The great thing about true friends is that time can go by and friends understand that life can be hectic (it happens to them too), but you are able to pick up right where you left off. Friends also understand that we all have seasons of our lives and sometimes the season is difficult. I’ve had this type of season lately, but I noticed something in myself that I’d never want my friends to feel: a need to withdraw.

I didn’t consciously withdraw from my friends, but I want to be the upbeat friend. The friend who contributes to laughter, the friend who leaves you feeling good after the interaction and I knew that I wouldn’t be this friend during this time. In addition to not wanting to burden my friends with my troubles, it’s also really hard, and a bit draining, to recount difficult events and emotions. In a way, it’s like reliving them all over again and I didn’t want my friends to feel bad, so I stayed away when I really needed them most.

Thankfully, true friends never really let you pull away for long. They reach out and you realize that you would never want them to feel that they couldn’t share their troubles with you or lean on you when you needed them. You want them to know that you are there to help them in their times of stress as much as you want to share in their times of joy. Those are the friends that are yours for life. Treasure them and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.

Print to Screen

Generally, I don’t care to see the screen version (film or television) of any books that I’ve read. Years ago, I learned what we all know; the book is ALWAYS better than the movie. Occasionally though, I’ll give one a try, especially if it’s a book that one of my kids has read as well. For instance, the movie based on The Fault in our Stars by John Green was well done. I still think it lost some of the edge that they book had, but overall, it was not disappointing. The best part of the experience was sharing it with my daughter and comparing book to screen.

Recently, two books that I really enjoyed were made into movies - Wild by Cheryl Strayed and A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. I decided to give Wild a shot, since I thought the scenery would be amazing and I really like Reese Witherspoon. I made it 10 minutes into the movie before giving up. There is just too much internal dialogue for it to translate well. If you’ve watched the movie and enjoyed it, read the the book. It is, of course, much better. I won’t even attempt to defile A Walk in the Woods - I’ll stick with the book version.

Now I will share one major exception. You must, must, must watch the Outlander series based on the books by Diana Gabaldon. They are amazingly done. I won’t say that they’re as good as the books, but they are so good in their own right. From the actors selected to play the characters, to the scenery, to the raw (and perfect) translation of deep heartache, wild passion and all feelings in between, this series brings the books to life in vivid detail. Gentlemen, you would truly enjoy the book series, but chances are it is the lady in your life that has read them. Do yourself a favor and watch the series together. I recommend watching it without distraction (read no kids around) and on comfortable furniture. You’ll thank me later.

What movie/show based on a book did you really enjoy?

Have you read & watched Outlander? What did you think?

Eating Food

I’ve experimented with many styles of eating over the last few years. I began to really question my diet when I read Ultrametabolism by Dr. Mark Hyman after seeing him on a PBS special.  This book was the catalyst for what would become a smorgasbord of books about food. The more I learned about food, where it really comes from, the system created around industrialized food systems and the health and environmental effects, the more voracious I became to read more (see what I did there?). I started to shift my diet to a reduced reliance on processed foods with the goal of eating whole foods or food that had very few ingredients. Then, I became a whole food (carb-reliant) vegetarian and then a vegan. Those years coincided with my high mileage running years, so without the carbs to sustain me, I don’t know if I would have had the energy to sustain my running. As it was, I was hungry all the time. I ate a lot of whole wheat pasta, thinking that it only had one or two ingredients on the package and so it qualified as friendly for me. I ate veggie sandwiches on whole grain bread and bowls full of vegetable curries, beans, potatoes, anything that would give me fuel and satiate my hunger.

Then I began to strength train and I knew I needed to change the way I ate. I was still hungry most of the time, but this was a different type of hunger; I was craving things I hadn’t eaten in years.  Through my reading, I was learning that I should focus more on whole foods and high quality proteins and reduce my processed carbohydrate intake. My body was begging for fish, meat and eggs, but the ethical conflict made this transition difficult. I had previously decided that if I loved the earth, I couldn’t eat animals (see my reading list below to see how I arrived at this view). I also knew that if I didn’t make a change, I was going to cause chronic inflammation, have to deal with constant hunger and risk not being able fuel my ability to increase lean muscle mass.

We all make justifications in our minds when we experience cognitive dissonance and mine were that my other efforts for the earth allowed me to eat sustainably-raised meat. So, I began to focus on vegetables and protein.

For the past two years, I have been eating mostly vegetables, meat, eggs, cheese and fruit. I don’t diet, but I try to eat real food 90% of the time. I don’t follow any particular school of thought, but I do try to keep my carbs under control. A typical meal looks like a giant heap of veggies and some kind of protein (I don’t get sick of chicken thighs cooked in the crock pot). I leave room for treats occasionally and mostly listen to my body. A try to eat a big salad every day and use delicious balsamic vinegar to dress it. I’ve stopped feeling bad for my choices. I would like to say that I choose only locally raised chickens and whatnot, but that’s not the truth. I do my best and hope that my other combined choices help to make up for it.

The good news is that I feel better than I ever have and am stronger than I’ve ever been.

If you’re curious about what I eat, you can see the whole sordid affair on a free app called Youfood. My screen name is Artemis.

Whatever choices you make to nourish your body, do it without guilt or shame. Stay open minded and be willing to learn. Eat what makes you feel stronger and healthier.

My food education journey reading list in chronological order (does not include blogs and research papers):

Ultrametabolism - Dr. Mark Hyman

The Omnivore’s Dilemma - Michael Pollan

Diet for a New America - John Robbins

Eating Animals - Jonathan Safran Foer

Eat and Run - Scott Jurek

Forks Over Knives - Stone

The Primal Blueprint - Mark Sisson

The Ten Commandments for Losing Fat - Nia Shanks

Ham Bone Soup

Ham Bone Soup

Spiral sliced ham is available for a great price this time of year. We bought one and put half of it in the freezer for later. We also skip the glazing. Inevitably, you will be left with the ham bone with a lot of meat attached. This is my very simple and easy recipe for a delicious ham bone soup.

I placed the ham bone in our slow cooker and covered it completely with water. I set on low overnight (or for 6-8 hours). We woke up to a wonderful aroma, which was also driving our pups bonkers. In the morning it looked like this.

I forgot to soak the pinto beans overnight, so I gave them a two hour soak while we went for coffee. It was plenty of time.

Now, let’s make some soup! In a heavy pot (I used my glazed cast iron pot), sautee the onion, garlic and peppers in butter (or olive oil). Then add carrots.

Now strain your ham stock with a fine mesh strainer and transfer the stock to your pot. (Keep the remnants of ham in the crock pot until it cools enough to handle.) Stir in parsley, black pepper and oregano. Toss in a bay leaf.

Separate and shred the meat from the slow cooker and add to the soup. Our ham bone was holding on to a LOT of meat!

Add the meat and drained beans to the soup and simmer uncovered on low for 1 ½ to 2 hours.

Add salt to taste and enjoy!

Recipe: Ham Bone Soup

sautee in 1 Tb butter:

1/2 onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, crushed or diced

3 hot peppers, diced

add:

6 diced carrots

3 Tb oregano

3 Tb parsley

1 Tb pepper

1 bay leaf

1 ½ cps pinto beans (soaked for a few hours first)

strained stock

meat off bone - add to soup

simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours

add salt to taste

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Guess what? The Joneses, those neighbors who seem to have it all together, a great house, fun vacations, shiny cars? They’re probably a mess. You’re busy trying to measure up and they’re drowning in debt to maintain the facade and no one is happy.

We know the truth, that the pursuit of stuff does not lead to happiness. We keep hoping it will as it clutters our homes, our cars, our inbox and worst of all, our minds. We exchange our precious time in its pursuit. We go mad with worry about how to pay for the stuff we already have and the stuff we want, all the while knowing that that we should stop.  

A 2015 credit card debt study revealed that the average US household has over $15,000 in credit card debt alone. Many long time homeowners who should have reached the end of their mortgages went heavily into debt anew during the last housing bubble or borrowed against their home’s equity. I’m not advocating for being a snoop, but if you find yourself with neighbor envy, the mortgage information is public record. You’ll be surprised at what you find.

The bottom line though, is to ask what we gain when we go into debt or when we trade our money (which is just time and life energy) for things that align with our goals? Do we make mindful purchases or delay a decision to give it genuine thought? If not, I’ll share some tactics that have worked well for me:

1. Shop with a list. For items like food and other consumables, a little pre-planning or automating go a long way. We generally eat the same types of food every week, so our shopping trips (and related spending) are predictable. This also helps control impulse purchases.
2. Ask if the purchase is a want or a need. Be honest about this. Consider the trade-off before you buy it. Frame it in a way that has meaning for you. For me, asking myself if the item is worth delaying retirement is a great trick. Maybe you are saving for a vacation, so your question would be, “Do I want this item or do I want to go to Hawaii?” You get the idea.
3. If you decide that you DO want the item, wait 24 hours (or more). Sometimes putting  some time and distance is enough to change your mind.
4. Choose quality over quantity. In the long run, you’ll get more financial benefit (and enjoyment) over a higher quality item than more items of poorer quality. How many pairs of jeans do you really need anyway?
5. Frequently check your spending. Use your bank’s online tools to your advantage. Most banks offer categorization which will reveal that those little indulgences and what you think of as small, negligible purchases really do add up.
6. Only shop when you need something specific. If you feel the urge to shop out of boredom, try these other activities instead.

What other tactics are helpful for mindful spending?

What long-term goals do you have that can help you stay on track?

Frugal Fun

Frugal fun

In pursuit of a tranquil life, I find it vital to minimize financial stress and free myself from the snare of consumerism. Of course we need to buy things, but there is great danger in allowing the process of buying things to become a hobby or boredom buster. That is why I’m sharing some of my favorite things to do that cost very little or are free:

Take a walk, but don’t just walk for the sake of walking (although there are great benefits to this as well). Walk to take in your surroundings. Listen to the sound of your feet, watch the way the sun shines on a tree, listen for birds singing, watch other people, breathe slowly and pay attention to the scents. For instance, today I noticed the humid air on my face and smelled the distinct scent of the desert after a rain. The clouds were steel gray cloak resting on top of the mountain where I live. I could hear birds singing, despite the chill, and watched a plane carrying eager travelers north.

Hike. If you have access to a natural area, turn the walk into a hike. Put your feet on the dirt and enjoy the quiet that comes with nature. Notice the plants, the color of the rocks and the smells of nature.

Cycle. Riding a bike is fun and is a great way to see more of the world in the open air. If you have tires that can handle off-road terrain, it’s also a lot of fun to explore trails, canals, or the beach.

Exercise. Yes, it is actually fun if you find activities that you enjoy. Exercise doesn’t have to cost anything, either. There are endless online resources for working out at home. If you prefer the atmosphere and encouragement that going to the gym provides, search your area for affordable options. Most importantly though, try different activities until you find what appeals to you. Bodyweight exercies, yoga, running, dancing - there are many options.

Read. I love to read. I read a lot of blogs online and I do often purchase e-books and some physical books, but the local library is a treasure trove of wonder. If you haven’t visited your local library, I highly suggest that you do. Our local library system will even send a book from one branch to another, at no charge.

Cook up something new. It’s so much fun to bake or try a new dish. You have to eat anyway, right? Maybe you’ll even discover new foods that you’ve never had before. In just the past two years I discovered the joy of spaghetti squash (add tomato sauce and sausage...yum!) and spiralizing summer squash.  

Stargaze. The other morning I wrapped up in a blanket and headed outside at 4am to watch for meteors. Gazing up at the sky lit with stars or watching the moon rise is very peaceful and fills me with wonder. It’s a nice bonus to see a shooting star too.

Those are my favorites, but there are so many more.

Be a tourist in your own town. Go see all of the historic sights, visit the “tourist traps” and delight in the familiar with fresh eyes.

Go to the museum or art gallery. These are often inexpensive and if you take my advice about the library, you can often check out passes to museums and art galleries for FREE!

Camp, swim, explore, climb trees.

Draw, write poetry or color.

Play board games with friends and family.

Sew, craft or repurpose old items to a new life.

What do you do for frugal fun? Share your ideas.

Listen to Your Parents

Listen to your parents

I visited my mom and dad today. They are always very comforting to talk to, especially when it comes to discussions about parenting. My parents are great; I was a lucky kid and had a pretty idyllic childhood. Despite that, they admit that they felt like they made some mistakes and reminded me that we do our very best at the time, for whatever situation we face with our kids. If you are a parent, listen to what your parents have to say with an open mind. It doesn’t mean that you have to take their advice or even agree with them, but they are offering something we don’t have until our kids are all grown - experience.

Actively listen to your parents talk about their lives and pay careful attention when they share things they’ve learned. My dad is 85 and as spry as someone 20 years younger. He has great stories to share, but the most interesting things he says are the unexpected bits of advice. He always had a strong work ethic and I heard lectures about working hard and being responsible throughout my entire childhood. He was right, but his advice now is to have adventures while we are young. He still stands by his philosophy about working hard, but he cautions about letting work supplant travel, adventure and doing the things you want to do “while you can.”

The most important lessons that I’ve learned from my parents are about relationships. Although their observations of people are oddly accurate, what speaks to me most doesn’t have to do with what they say. It is that after over 30 years together, they still make their relationship their priority. They openly display their affection and don’t withhold their love.  If they have disagreements, they get over them quickly (and they are never really serious). They remember to do the little things for each other each day. They remind me that it is not selfish to put your partner and your relationship first and that entire families thrive when we do so.  Their love is a testament to it.

Listen to your parents. Not only because they have the wisdom that comes from experience, but also because they love you more than you could ever imagine.

Daily Resolutions

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin provided me with the inspiration to create a list of daily resolutions. I am a big fan of lists - checklists, to-do lists, pros/cons lists, shopping lists; I love them all. I find that my daily resolutions list is especially helpful during this transitory phase of my life. I struggle to feel productive and like I’m spending my time well, so when I’m in a funk, working on my daily resolutions resets my frame of mind.

1. Spend at least one hour outside.
2. Read for 30 minutes (or more).
3. Complete one domestic activity (cleaning, home improvement, doing repairs, sewing)..
4. Reach out to at least one friend or family member.
5. Sing loudly.
6. Verbalize my appreciation.

There are many other things that I do each day that don’t need to be on my resolutions list. Telling people that I love them, getting exercise, eating vegetables and things like that are just a part of daily life. I plan to update my daily resolutions list frequently so that it remains beneficial and adapts as life changes. Someday, I will add meditation to the list, but I know that I won’t do that every day and it’s important to me that whatever is on this list gets completed each day. This seems simple (and probably a little silly), but it provides me with a sense of satisfaction and is often the catalyst that I need to accomplish even more.

Do you have a list of daily resolutions (even if just in your head)?

If not, what things would add to your list?

Zen, Happiness, and Other Fluff

Ok, so happiness isn’t fluff, but I’ve been filling my head with all things philosophical for several years now. I just finished The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, which I picked up randomly at the library. I’m also almost finished with The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz, although I will come back to it again and again.

I also return regularly to some of my other favorites, like Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and A New Earth, as well as Ruiz’s The Fifth Agreement. I like to fill my head with the messages provided in these books so that each day I am reminded about what is truly important. Some of the content is a bit esoteric, so I take what I like from them and ignore the rest. Tolle’s books especially tend to get a little spiritual and that’s not my cup of tea, but the basic messages are great. The ironic part is that despite the appearance that I’m constantly seeking happiness, I’m already very happy and have always been a generally optimistic person. I laugh rather easily and find it easy to see the positive outcomes of most anything.

Like most humans, I cave in times of great stress and probably cry a lot more than other people, but for me it is cathartic. It’s my way of getting it out so that I can deal with the feeling or situation and move on. So, I return to books like these because they help me reinforce my beliefs and help me keep my priorities in order. 

If you enjoy reading philosophy or are just interested in ways to help keep you on a peaceful path, I highly recommend these books. Are there other books that help you maintain peace and joy? I’d love to hear about them.

Overnight Oats

Overnight Oats

Overnight oats provide an easy way to get a healthy carb boost and provides a satisfying snack or breakfast. It’s also really great for when you are pressed for time in the morning. You can also be really creative with the base and tailor it to suit whatever flavors you like. You can add protein powder, spices, extracts, fruit, nuts - whatever sounds tasty to you.

The base is simply equal parts oats and liquid. The rest is up to you.

Here is my favorite combination:

2 cps oats

2 cps rice milk

1 Tb cinnamon

1 tsp ginger powder

1 tsp vanilla extract

3 Tb protein powder

3 cups frozen blueberries

Put everything together in a sealed container and put it in the refrigerator overnight. No need to premix. In the morning give it a stir and eat. That’s it. It is so delicious.

I really like Coach’s Oats and I get them at Costco, because when I’m on an oats kick I require a vat-sized container. I’ve tried it with pumpkin filling and pumpkin pie spices - also very delicious. Sometimes I add a splash of flavored creamer, which is also really yummy.

Give it a try and tell me about your creation.

Saying No to Family

Saying No to Family

Several years ago, I practiced a religion that does not celebrate Christmas. Although I am no longer religious, those few years gave me taste of the beauty and tranquility that comes from opting out of stress-filled, obligation-driven traditions. Traditions can be beautiful, and I very much enjoy the sparkling of holiday lights and the festive decorations adorning my neighbors’ homes during this time of year. I am also intrigued by the multitude of ways that people of all religions and beliefs celebrate their holidays. For me, I choose to not celebrate the holidays.

The single most difficult part of this decision is trying to explain to family (year after year) that I do not wish to participate. I have been opting out for over ten years, but lovingly declining family requests and parental pressure continues to be a challenge. The hardest part is trying to communicate that my desire to do my own thing on those days is in no way a reflection of my love for my family. I am not rejecting their traditions or turning my back on my childhood. It is not a statement about them, and not a judgement about their beliefs or traditions. It has nothing to do with anyone else. 

Saying no to family is not easy. It helps to spend time with them throughout the year and I try make it a point to spend time with them before the holiday or shortly after so that they do not take my absence on specific dates personally. For me, it’s about maintaining peace, following my own beliefs, preserving financial goals and often, using rare days off for adventures, exploration or simply watching movies all day. In the end, I believe that when we are adults, we should be able to do what we want to do and opt out of activities of our choosing. I hope that one day, reminding my family that I love them and making an effort to spend time with them throughout the year will remove the final lingering stress of the holiday season: saying no to family.

Health & Fitness: A Revelation

Two years ago I was on a quest for information to improve my overall fitness and become more well-rounded. I was a chronic runner who tossed in some push-ups and squats before bed, but that was the extent of my strength training. I knew that lifting weights was probably something I should do, but did not really understand its amazing benefits. What I did know was that I couldn’t just keep running miles and miles and expect to get strong, or to develop definition in my upper body. I began to hunt for information in earnest and then I discovered Nerd Fitness. It changed everything.

I learned that even though it felt more difficult to run 10 miles than to do 20-30 minutes of weight training, the weight training sessions would yield better results over the long-term. This just didn’t make sense to me, but I was ready to be more balanced and needed a change. I was eager for a new challenge, so I started following the recommendations on Nerd Fitness. Within a few months I began to see definition in my arms and back. Not only was I gaining some muscle mass (without actually gaining any overall weight), but I kind of felt like a badass. There is something special about moving a lot of weight around - it feels both physically and mentally empowering.

My former routine involved running between 20-40 miles per week and 100 body weight squats before bed. Sometimes, I’d toss in 10 push-ups, often I would not.

Now, I weight train 3 days a week (compound movements for efficiency - around 30 minutes), run for fun a few days a week (rarely more than 6 miles) and do the occasional high intensity interval training (HIIT)...when I haven’t injured myself, that is. It definitely helps to have a partner who likes to do the same things, but even before our schedules aligned, I was comfortable going to the gym alone, once I conquered the initial intimidation of the free weight section. (I highly recommend watching videos to that teach exercises with proper form.) 

In addition to formal workouts, we also walk every day and do fun, but active things during our free time, like ride our bikes or go hiking. I finally feel balanced and consistently challenged. Our routine is never boring and I never dread a workout or a run. I am stronger, leaner and more energetic. I am no longer wiped out for days after a long run and I have more time for all of the other fun things we want to do.

Try it! You’ll be so glad you did.

Check out some of my favorite sites:

Nerd Fitness
Lift Like a Girl
Girls Gone Strong

Triggers

We all have those moments. That twist in your gut or the twinge in your chest that signals discontent. Sadly, we’ve grown so accustomed to them, that we hardly notice when it happens and if we do, we ignore it or worse, fan the flames.

No more. It’s time to be mindful of the triggers that spark the discontent.

Certainly, we cannot remove all of the discomfort from our lives and we wouldn’t want to, really. Discomfort helps us grow, pushes us to recognize when change is needed, provides a signal that it is within our power to take action or let go.

However, when certain triggers do nothing but foment discontent or bring up feelings of jealousy, sadness, horror or despair, and there is nothing to be gained from it, we have to learn to identify these triggers and remove them from our lives. Some are as critical as avoiding an anxiety attack and others as benign as helping us ramp down a shopping habit.

Here is a practical example from my own life. I follow a lot of blogs on various topics; health and fitness, psychology, philosophy, food, humor, personal finance. One of the blogs I follow triggers my “want” button and my “envy” button. The blogger is an adorable woman who makes amazingly healthy food, but once a week she posts about fashion. Really interesting (and expensive) articles of clothing and shoes for both working out and everyday living. The issue is that I don’t want (or need) more clothes. I certainly don’t want trendy clothes and I have a slight obsession with workout clothes and dresses. I am happy with what I own, but the posts of super amazing leggings, adorable backless yoga tops and gorgeous dresses push my “want” button HARD. On top of that, the blogger has a rock solid amazing body. Again, I am quite happy with my workout routine and am content with my physique, but I’m not in my early 30s and don’t have a pre-baby stomach or delightfully round breasts. That’s ok, but it triggers discontent nonetheless. So, I stopped following that blogger. Simple.

There are other examples - removing negative news feeds from Facebook, being mindful of the shows I watch, choosing to redirect conversations that I think are not beneficial. Do you know what I discovered? After a few days, I realized that the twinges of discontent were reduced. Fewer “want” buttons triggered and a reduced number of times that I felt sad, envious or discontent. I’m not advocating sticking your head in the sand and avoiding real problems, but we create discontent where there is no benefit or need. Think of the time we can free up by eliminating those things and focusing on the things that truly matter.