A Letter to Kids about Chores

Dear Children,

Yes, I know that it seems like asking you to do chores is unfair. How astute of you to learn the secret of adulthood - that we birth you little creations only to provide free maid service! How did you guess? Is it because you do such a wonderful job? Perhaps because you perform said chores without being reminded and perform them without complaint? Is it so that we can see the smile upon your angelic faces and watch you go above and beyond the most haphazard attempt to clean all of the unseen places as well? Maybe it is because we never have to repeat ourselves or do the work over again when you leave. Wait, I know! You guessed our secret because of how often we gush over perfectly shiny plates and silverware, lacking chunks, smudges, grease prints and the remnants of yesterday’s lunch. Is that how you guessed?

After all, YOU didn’t put crumbs all over the counters and floors and you certainly don’t launch empty toilet paper rolls into mysterious places around the bathroom (when you actually do solve the complex problem of how to replace the roll). You definitely don’t leave rings of sauce, dressing and mystery goop in the refrigerator, nor do your greasy fingerprints plague every single surface of the house.

Oh you adorable contradictions of delight and madness - none of those things are true. We do NOT make you do chores so that we don’t have to do them (we do them again anyway). We do not enjoy repeating ourselves, listening to you grumble, making you redo things when you do a half-ass job (and even then we only make you redo the worst of the worst).

Here are the real reasons we make you do chores:

So that you will learn to contribute fairly to a household/team.

To teach you responsibility and accountability.

To help you become a reasonably sanitary adult.

So that your future spouse or roommates won’t murder you.

To teach you the benefit of a job well done.

Because you don’t pay rent.

And because you make the biggest messes.

I’ll tell you the real secret of adulthood: We would much rather clean the entire house ourselves, but we choose the harder path: good parenting.

Now come redo these dishes.