I find books about personality, psychology and how people think fascinating. Why do we do what we do and think how we think? What really shapes our thoughts and behaviors? What aspects of behavior and personality can we adapt or change? How do people with different personalities interact? How do we communicate with each other and why is there so much confusion?
It is wonderful to explore these questions. Various personality tests, though often flawed, can reveal some clues about our personalities. For instance, I find that the Myers Briggs test is generally true for me, although as with anything related to the human mind, most things are on a scale. Sure, I’m largely an extrovert, but I find certain types of crowds over-stimulating and stressful. I also need alone time. That doesn’t mean that I’m not mostly an extrovert, but that I fall generally in that direction. Introversion/extroversion is not just about interacting with people though, it is also about how you process. I process externally, for the most part. Here’s something most people won’t admit, but I will. If there were hidden cameras in my house, or in my car, you would see me talking to myself. A lot. I imagine that extroverts probably talk to themselves more often than introverts. I don’t know for sure, but that’s my guess (and something new for me to research, yay!).
For those who don’t talk to yourselves, you probably imagine that listening to someone who does would sound like a two-way conversation. That isn’t the case, at least not for me. Most of the time, I don’t even realize that I’m doing it, unless I’m on a real rant. If you were to listen, it often sounds like snippets of sentences, phrases mumbled or whispered without enunciation, especially if I’m thinking about something or working a problem in my head. Other times, I let loose with monologues - tirades to an invisible audience, most often on the subjects of inequality, misogyny, cruelty and violence. Now that I have dogs in my life, they provide an impartial ear, especially if I’m outside admiring a bird, a cloud, the mountain, a tree...I get to verbalize (as I like to do), but I can pretend I’m talking to them. Just the other day, I was admiring the sunlight on the mountain and said, out loud, “Look at the mountain, puppies. Isn’t it lovely?” They couldn’t see the mountain, of course, but anyone who may have seen me wouldn’t think I was crazy.
Another test, the Newcastle Personality Assessor, provides more fluctuation or degrees of personality traits. Do these provide self-revelations? Maybe, but probably not. The usefulness comes, I think, when we can identify a tendency and understand it so that we can better relate to and understand others. This helps us take fewer things personally, which is a very important lesson to learn for a peaceful existence. We can also use this knowledge to communicate with each other in ways that are better understood. There’s another test (and book) called The 5 Love Languages, but it’s really about personality. It helps us understand our relationships better and gives us tools to make them more harmonious. My top two scores there are Quality Time (a match with my guy) and Words of Affirmation. So I know that I am particularly sensitive to what people say and I find positive words (out loud or written) really important. I also remind myself that other people aren’t as sensitive about words, so when a child says something mean, I try not to feel hurt or take it personally.
It’s an intriguing world, the mind. Where we are born, how we are raised, our genetics, the events that shape us, evolution, procreation, our humanity - these all influence how we think and who we become. Gaining even a modest understanding of the human mind is a wonderful endeavor in itself, but for me, using that knowledge to strengthen relationships and find ways to make life more joyful is the very best part.
These are some of the best books I’ve read so far on not only personality, but also how the brain works:
Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are - Daniel Nettle
Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely
Brain Rules - John Medina
The 5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman
A New Earth & Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
The Fifth Agreement - don Miguel Ruiz
What books about the mind do you enjoy?
What is your Myers Briggs personality? (I’m ENFJ)
What is your primary Love Language?
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