I really enjoy reading blogs and Scary Mommy is one of my favorite. I go there to feel normal, because frankly - sometimes being a mother is painful, frustrating, terrifying, lonely, and heartbreaking. I go there when I feel like I’m screwing up big time, when I need a laugh and a reminder that I’m not alone in my insecurity as a parent. To feel like it’s ok that even though I love my kids (why do we always need to say this before we make a confession…), sometimes I don’t’ like being a mom.
There, I said it. It’s true. Sometimes I really don’t like being a mom. It would be so much easier if I was my kid’s aunt instead. I could dole out advice (and they’d listen), I’d hear their tales of sorrow, dating drama, and listen to their reasons that they are bombing their classes and I’d offer sympathetic nods without having my heart break. They’d complain about how their mom never had any “good” food in the house and I’d whisper, conspiratorially, “I know, right? Blah - how much healthy food can one person eat? Where the fuck are the cookies?” And we’d laugh and laugh and they’d tell me that I’m the best and that no other adults listen to them the way I do.
But I have to be mom. And sometimes it sucks. I have to do the hard things - like push them to do homework, try to inspire them to try the spaghetti squash, and clench my jaw when I hear them fighting on the phone with a girlfriend who is no good for them. I have to insist on inpatient care when they try to hurt themselves, or pester them about wearing condoms when I think they are way too young for sex. I have to give tough love when they act like jerkwads and not give in when they try to work my emotions. I have to teach them how to be independent, even if it means that they think I’m mean. I have to be the mom and hope that one day they will understand why I do what I do and that I love them more than they will ever know.
What blogs or books keep you sane?
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