No, I Will Not Smell That!

Picture it. Phoenix, 2016. 

It's 4:15 in the morning and a bleary-eyed woman stumbles to the bathroom and flips on the light. Still squinting from the ocular shock, she touches a tender spot on her face.

Shark week approaches (not the Discovery Channel version).

She leans closer to the mirror to inspect the bright red beacon that is planted on her chin, dead center, and grumbles audibly, “...not fair…” and “this shit should not be happening at 40.” After a face washing and an counter-assault by benzoyl and peroxide, she sighs. She considers her beloved, making his breakfast in the other room. She doesn’t want him to see this, but he’s seen worse. The blemish is in its angry phase, so she takes a stand.  

“I am NOT covering this. I’m just not,” she grumbles to the mirror.

It would be futile anyway - make-up smeared in the cracks, the brilliant crimson defying even the most carefully applied concealer. A small victory of defiance, but a victory nonetheless.

I don’t know if I will continue to experience these wonderful epiphanies for my entire 40th year, but with so many gems already revealed in just a few short months, I sure hope so. Here are some others:

• I can say the F-word in front of my father. Sure, he’ll wince a little, but after a few more times, maybe he’ll get used to it. (I still have to hide an alcoholic beverage in a soda cup at a party, but baby steps…)
• I wear the bright pink workout pants in public. If my brightly-colored backside offends, just don’t look.
• I keep the windows rolled down at the red light, even if the song is really loud and potentially embarrassing. (Doesn’t everyone love Air Supply?)
• I no longer apologize if YOU almost hit ME with your shopping cart. (I’m talking to you, Costco lady getting samples while also talking on your cell phone.)
• I will knock on a car window or trunk, if they fail to stop while taking a right on red and proceed to drive into pedestrians (and runners) crossing on a walk signal. (Still contemplating carrying an air horn...that might get their attention. ;).
• And, NO, I will NOT smell whatever thing you just smelled that made you wrinkle your face. Extending it toward me, as if offering a delicious treat will not change my mind. I saw your reaction and I will no longer confirm that your nose works just fine. If you think the thing smells bad, I’m taking your word for it from now on. (Why did this one take so long?)

What little revelations did you have (finally)?

Do you smell it anyway? Be honest...you do, don't you?