Complete the Circuit

During my attempt to meditate today (I’m new to it, so 
the mind still whirls), I was reflecting on my recent education and experience with electrical wiring. My significant other was teaching me some basic wiring, specifically about how to change outlets and light fixtures. I learned about each wire (hot, neutral and ground) and how to test, test and re-test to make sure that no electricity is flowing before messing with anything (after flipping the breaker and/or switch, of course). So, I spent a lot of time replacing an outside light. I tested the wires and then connected them as instructed. I screwed on the wire nuts and gave them a yank to ensure connection. After numerous attempts to shove all the wires back into the box and attach the fixture to the bracket, I was done. It was pretty.

We flipped the power back on and….nothing. It was a motion-sensing light, so I messed with the settings and we tried again. Still nothing. Several minutes of trying different switches, adjusting the settings, loosening the fixture to test the black wire (which is the “hot” one, if you didn’t know) and pushing the reset button on the GFCI outlet and finally...you guessed it. Nothing. No power was flowing. I loosened the fixture a little more and what do you think I saw? If you guessed a disconnected black wire, you are correct. My guy reminded me that “yank on it like you mean it” means to actually yank like you mean it. As if you want to pull it down. Now I know, but back to my meditation revelation.

From the outside, the fixture appeared to have all the right connections. Only with close inspection did it become clear that it wasn’t functioning, because I failed to complete the circuit. This made me think about our bodies and minds. How often to think we have everything we need to function well, but fail to complete our own circuits? We feel like we're doing everything right, but we don't feel energized? What we fail to see is that we aren't making the connection with a powerful source - nature. 

We float above the natural world - concrete, shoes and flooring between us and the earth, rarely touching it directly or immersing ourselves in that which gives us life. Is it any wonder that we crave this connection, often without realizing it? On some level, we know we need, because we speak wistfully about putting our toes in the sand, feeling the wind in our hair or getting our hands in the earth. When we do these things, we feel renewed, alive, filled with energy. Immersion in nature completes our circuits.

Some of my most energizing experiences have come from plunging into a lake, walking barefoot in the forest, touching trees with hands, feeling the pull and swirl of the tides around my legs. These are our black wires, the hot connections that keep us alive. They charge our batteries so that we can go on functioning when we aren’t directly connected, but when our batteries drain, we have to recharge. I believe we must have experiences in nature to do this properly, to avoid living a life of dim existence that fails to realize our full power or to harness our potential energy. Seek out the connection that energizes you the most, whether forest, ocean, mountains, lake or river, but you don’t have to go that far to energize. Take off your shoes in your own back yard, put your hands on a tree, lie on the ground and look at the sky. You’ll see nature everywhere, once you look for it. Go ahead - complete your circuit - and watch the energy flow.

On the Road to On the Road

After months of deliberation about the perfect adventure vehicle, we placed our order for a 4X4 Mercedes Sprinter 170 Cargo Van. When I say deliberation, I really mean it. Numerous lists, pros/cons worksheets, discussions about our desired destinations, possibilities about weather, terrain, ground clearance, fuel economy, cost, warranty, build-out, where to pee and every consideration in between was hashed and rehashed. The gap between the cost of a 2X4 and a 4X4 narrowed and our decision was made.  

When deciding to purchase an RV/adventure vehicle, you must have a clear understanding of your intentions. Are you looking for luxury on the road? A stealthy vehicle that flies under the radar (and parks wherever it pleases)? One that can go off-road into the wilderness? One that powers all of your electronics, large-screen televisions and stores your off-road toys? These are the questions you already know the answers to when you start, but it helps to clearly detail them - and do your best to be realistic. Oh, it helps if you discuss them with your significant other as well...

We want to go to as many national parks, wilderness spots, remote beaches and as many low-key, beautiful places as we can. I simply MUST see the Aurora Borealis in Alaska (or northern Canada - I’m not picky). We also like the idea of building it out ourselves to suit our specific needs.

Here is a synopsis of our critical factors:

• Reliable. We want a diesel engine that will go, and go, and go.
• Drivability & Comfort. We drove some beautiful, smallish RVs that were not too large and had all the comforts of home, but they were just too cumbersome and felt, well, like an RV. Considering the hours on the road, we want to be comfortable and to drive with ease.
• Safety. This somewhat relates to drivability and comfort, but the Sprinter offers an Active Safety Package option that makes driving so very nice, namely the blind-spot detection, lane keep assist, and collision prevention assist.
• Stealthy. We want to be able to pull over to sleep with little or no evidence that it is a recreational vehicle. Yes, Sir, just a regular cargo van parked in a hotel lot, on the side of the road, at a rest area. Nothing to see here…
• Big enough to fit a queen or king sized bed lengthwise (my guy is tall, so widthwise placement is not an option).
• Few restrictions. We want it to get us where we want to go - back roads, forest service roads, small campgrounds, dispersed camping (we learned they call it boondocking), ALASKA!!!! Rain, snow, mud, rough roads - no restrictions, no excuses. We go where we want to go.
• Basic creature comforts. Colonials would call it the “necessary,” but really, I just pee a lot and my partner likes to shower. So yeah. Also room for a small kitchen because we like to make our own food and of course, some storage.
• Cost. When weighing all of the other factors, the Mercedes Sprinter is also a cost-effective choice for a DIY. There are companies that will outfit a Sprinter for you, but wow, it’s super expensive. Given the durability, reliability and stealth factors, 60K is palatable and includes a strong warranty (good for peace of mind).
• Experience. This one is important to me. I can’t wait to build our traveling home with my incredible guy. We work really well together (even if it’s mostly him teaching me how to do stuff) and doing a project like this together is going to be so much fun.

Now we wait for 6 months. This is probably the biggest challenge of all!

When we begin our build-out and start our adventures, I plan to blog about our adventures. Will you help me name the blog? Here are some preliminary ideas, but I am open to anything.

Happy Trails

Life is an Adventure

Away we Go

Choose Adventure

And because our 2 minpins will be with us:

Happy Tails

Tails of Adventure

HELP! :)

No, I Will Not Smell That!

Picture it. Phoenix, 2016. 

It's 4:15 in the morning and a bleary-eyed woman stumbles to the bathroom and flips on the light. Still squinting from the ocular shock, she touches a tender spot on her face.

Shark week approaches (not the Discovery Channel version).

She leans closer to the mirror to inspect the bright red beacon that is planted on her chin, dead center, and grumbles audibly, “...not fair…” and “this shit should not be happening at 40.” After a face washing and an counter-assault by benzoyl and peroxide, she sighs. She considers her beloved, making his breakfast in the other room. She doesn’t want him to see this, but he’s seen worse. The blemish is in its angry phase, so she takes a stand.  

“I am NOT covering this. I’m just not,” she grumbles to the mirror.

It would be futile anyway - make-up smeared in the cracks, the brilliant crimson defying even the most carefully applied concealer. A small victory of defiance, but a victory nonetheless.

I don’t know if I will continue to experience these wonderful epiphanies for my entire 40th year, but with so many gems already revealed in just a few short months, I sure hope so. Here are some others:

• I can say the F-word in front of my father. Sure, he’ll wince a little, but after a few more times, maybe he’ll get used to it. (I still have to hide an alcoholic beverage in a soda cup at a party, but baby steps…)
• I wear the bright pink workout pants in public. If my brightly-colored backside offends, just don’t look.
• I keep the windows rolled down at the red light, even if the song is really loud and potentially embarrassing. (Doesn’t everyone love Air Supply?)
• I no longer apologize if YOU almost hit ME with your shopping cart. (I’m talking to you, Costco lady getting samples while also talking on your cell phone.)
• I will knock on a car window or trunk, if they fail to stop while taking a right on red and proceed to drive into pedestrians (and runners) crossing on a walk signal. (Still contemplating carrying an air horn...that might get their attention. ;).
• And, NO, I will NOT smell whatever thing you just smelled that made you wrinkle your face. Extending it toward me, as if offering a delicious treat will not change my mind. I saw your reaction and I will no longer confirm that your nose works just fine. If you think the thing smells bad, I’m taking your word for it from now on. (Why did this one take so long?)

What little revelations did you have (finally)?

Do you smell it anyway? Be honest...you do, don't you?

Why I Took Them Off

Don’t get excited, this is not that kind of post.

I didn’t realize that I was a feminist until well into my 20s. Back then I thought of feminism as a movement during which women burned their bras and helped working women get ahead (think Sally Field as Norma Rae). I was raised by a feminist, so the idea of equality was just natural to me. Both of my parents worked - my dad did dishes and my mom captured snakes and put them back in the woods, so in my naivete I thought that’s the way most people saw the world. Sure, my dad would open jars, but he was bigger and stronger - it was about body mass, not gender. There were certainly some double-standards between my brothers and I, but overall my view of the world (thank you, Mom!) was that I had equal opportunity as a female and that my thoughts were just as important.

Then, the real world hit. Then, religion entered the game (that journey is for another post). I struggled to reconcile these worlds while still a very young (and terrified) new mother. I did the best that I could believing that I could be all things, but in the end, my desire for equality won out over all other opinions and expectations. In my late 20s I realized, with glee, that I was a feminist. I was not, however, the feminist idea of my youth. I was a real feminist, which simply means that people of all genders should be treated with equality - and yes, women were marginalized and objectified and on the receiving end of many horrible things across the world and throughout history. However, this is not that kind of post either.

The bottom line is that every person should be what and who they want to be. There are no rules, parameters or obligations. Specifically for women, you can be whatever you want to be. Painted nails, high heels, makeup, muscles, pants, tutus, dresses, ties, top hats, shaved heads, armpit hair - none of it matters and none of the things that we choose for our bodies makes us anything. They are simply things we do, not who we are. Which leads to the photo above.

When I realized that I was experiencing great discomfort every day in the effort to be “attractive” “cute” “stylish” “curvy,” I made the decision to stop doing anything that made me uncomfortable. So into the trash went every padded bra with underwire. (Have you worn one of these? How is the wire digging into your ribs tolerable?!?! Why did I do it???) I also greatly reduced the time I spent in heels, because running fast and having ankle mobility and a lack of foot pain is so much more important than how my calves look in a skirt. F*ck that. That doesn’t mean that I won’t put these things on for 5 minutes for specific purposes that suit me (wink, wink), but it’s now a choice because I want to, not because I think I should.  

There’s no reason for pain and discomfort simply to fit a mold that society expects. There’s no reason not to be joyful doing whatever we want to and with our bodies...if it’s what we want.

So, who’s up for a bra burning? ;)

Personality Tests and Why I Talk to Myself

I find books about personality, psychology and how people think fascinating. Why do we do what we do and think how we think? What really shapes our thoughts and behaviors? What aspects of behavior and personality can we adapt or change? How do people with different personalities interact? How do we communicate with each other and why is there so much confusion?

It is wonderful to explore these questions. Various personality tests, though often flawed, can reveal some clues about our personalities. For instance, I find that the Myers Briggs test is generally true for me, although as with anything related to the human mind, most things are on a scale. Sure, I’m largely an extrovert, but I find certain types of crowds over-stimulating and stressful. I also need alone time. That doesn’t mean that I’m not mostly an extrovert, but that I fall generally in that direction. Introversion/extroversion is not just about interacting with people though, it is also about how you process. I process externally, for the most part. Here’s something most people won’t admit, but I will. If there were hidden cameras in my house, or in my car, you would see me talking to myself. A lot. I imagine that extroverts probably talk to themselves more often than introverts. I don’t know for sure, but that’s my guess (and something new for me to research, yay!). 

For those who don’t talk to yourselves, you probably imagine that listening to someone who does would sound like a two-way conversation. That isn’t the case, at least not for me. Most of the time, I don’t even realize that I’m doing it, unless I’m on a real rant. If you were to listen, it often sounds like snippets of sentences, phrases mumbled or whispered without enunciation, especially if I’m thinking about something or working a problem in my head. Other times, I let loose with monologues - tirades to an invisible audience, most often on the subjects of inequality, misogyny, cruelty and violence. Now that I have dogs in my life, they provide an impartial ear, especially if I’m outside admiring a bird, a cloud, the mountain, a tree...I get to verbalize (as I like to do), but I can pretend I’m talking to them. Just the other day, I was admiring the sunlight on the mountain and said, out loud, “Look at the mountain, puppies. Isn’t it lovely?” They couldn’t see the mountain, of course, but anyone who may have seen me wouldn’t think I was crazy.

Another test, the Newcastle Personality Assessor, provides more fluctuation or degrees of personality traits. Do these provide self-revelations? Maybe, but probably not. The usefulness comes, I think, when we can identify a tendency and understand it so that we can better relate to and understand others. This helps us take fewer things personally, which is a very important lesson to learn for a peaceful existence. We can also use this knowledge to communicate with each other in ways that are better understood. There’s another test (and book) called The 5 Love Languages, but it’s really about personality. It helps us understand our relationships better and gives us tools to make them more harmonious. My top two scores there are Quality Time (a match with my guy) and Words of Affirmation. So I know that I am particularly sensitive to what people say and I find positive words (out loud or written) really important. I also remind myself that other people aren’t as sensitive about words, so when a child says something mean, I try not to feel hurt or take it personally.

It’s an intriguing world, the mind. Where we are born, how we are raised, our genetics, the events that shape us, evolution, procreation, our humanity - these all influence how we think and who we become. Gaining even a modest understanding of the human mind is a wonderful endeavor in itself, but for me, using that knowledge to strengthen relationships and find ways to make life more joyful is the very best part.

These are some of the best books I’ve read so far on not only personality, but also how the brain works:

Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are - Daniel Nettle

Predictably Irrational - Dan Ariely

Brain Rules - John Medina

The 5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman

A New Earth & Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

The Fifth Agreement - don Miguel Ruiz

What books about the mind do you enjoy?

What is your Myers Briggs personality? (I’m ENFJ)

What is your primary Love Language?

Mending Fences

photo credit

A middle-aged man enters the coffee shop and orders two coffees and one muffin. He sits with his book, to read and to wait, the second coffee and the muffin placed carefully in front of the empty seat. Every few minutes he looks out the window, scanning the parking lot. Long after the coffee has grown cold and most would have given up, he looks up and stands suddenly. Anyone observing can see the anticipation and cautious delight on his face as a young woman approaches. She seems resigned to the meeting and does not greet him with a smile or any physical contact. He gives her his full attention and she sips the coffee with disinterest. She seems to answer his questions, but makes little eye contact. After what seems like only a few minutes, she stands and shuffles off, shoulders hunched and head down - muffin untouched. She stops at a vehicle that is not hers and pets a dog through an open window. For a moment, her face comes alive. She kisses the dog and gets in her car. The man sits still, watching her until she leaves. Then he gathers his things, gets in the van with the dog and drives away.

The man will return week after week. Sometimes, he waits to order food for the young woman, other times he orders in advance. Often, she does not arrive, and with a final check of his phone, the man gathers his things and drives away. He has a kind face and an open demeanor. It is clear that he cares deeply for the young woman, but carefully hides his sadness and desire to connect behind a casual smile.  

This routine continues for months. Slowly, observers would notice that the woman begins to approach with a smile. She stays for longer periods of time and eventually, she even eats the food he offers. Still, there are times when he waits in vain, but week after week, month after month, he persists. One day, several months later, there is a palpable change in the relationship. They hug, she laughs, her conversation with the man is animated. Once, she even brings a male friend to introduce to the older man. I cannot say for certain, but having frequented the same coffee shop and watched the evolution of this relationship, it seems clear that this man is the young woman’s father and has slowly, with persistence and love, mended whatever broken fences existed between them.

It’s a strange term to suggest a strengthened bond or relationship, mending fences. For in reality, fences provide a barrier, a separation, a way to keep things out or hold them in, depending on the type of fence. But Robert Frost did say that “good fences make good neighbors,” so it has persisted that to mend a fence means to repair a relationship.

My guy and I performed some literal fence mending this weekend. Bracing gates and strengthening boards, he likes to say with a grin that I am great at mending fences. It’s our second fence repair together and fences are not as complicated to mend as they seem. You have to find the weak areas and remove any items that are keeping them from functioning properly (rusted out nails, for example). Then you carefully put them back together, making the bonds stronger. The old scars and holes left from improper construction or made through the stress of time or stormy weather do not disappear, but a strong fence is created when you take the time to mend them.

When we were talking about mending fences, my guy reminded me of the man and the young woman (and inspired this post). We have been watching them for well over a year and trying to fill in a back-story for what we can only assume is a father/child relationship. It is beautiful to watch, no matter what happened in their past and you can see on their faces how much joy they now have in their repaired relationship. It’s a lovely demonstration of the power of healing.

How to Mend a Fence
Step 1: Identify the weak points
Step 2: Remove barriers to repair
Step 3: Reinforce with patient, methodical steps using strong bonds
Step 4: Keep fence in good repair with regular maintenance and care

Are there any fences you need your attention?

Easy Like Sunday Morning

We love early Sunday mornings at the gym. There are very few people working out at 5am on a Sunday. There are no displays of exaggerated grunting, no aggressive weight slamming to make my ears ring (and ruin my concentration), and all the equipment that I want is available. It’s certainly not as entertaining, but I can fearlessly hip thrust my heart out if I want.

Today was LEG DAY (said with a low, ominous voice). I love/hate leg day. Split squats are the worst, but they are so effective. I follow the guidance of some of my favorite websites (you can read why I love strength training so much here) and I also spent a lot of time with this great book.

To maximize the efficiency of my workout, I have settled on these three basic workouts per week (plus our fun cardio workouts).

Leg day:

3 circuits:

seated split leg presses

bulgarian split squats with dumbbells

weighted walking lunges

weighted box step-ups

weighted elevated hip thrusts

single-leg elevated hip thrusts

Upper body day:

3 circuits of the following:

pull-ups

dumbbell bench press

torso pull-overs

bent over rows

overhead presses

lateral raises

planks

weighted leg raises

Posterior chain day:

5 sets of the following:

barbell squats

push-ups

deadlifts

planks

After coffee, breakfast and a few errands we took advantage of the great weather and ran 3 miles. There were hills involved, so I was sucking wind, but it was still fun. I’m mostly chatty when we run, so my guy can tell when I’m tired or working harder to breathe, because I get quiet. He finds great amusement in asking me questions during these moments. Did I tell you he’s a brat? Tomorrow, I will beg for a rest day.

What are your favorite strength-training moves?

Any that you love to hate?

I’m no expert, so don’t be shy if you think I’m missing any muscle groups.